Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
