sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
