some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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