Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
