dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
where does the pee come out of this thing
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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