eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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