chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
