Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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