I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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