Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize