She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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