Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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