if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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