Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
