tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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