i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
