It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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