guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
bring money and cleavage
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
