she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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