Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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