Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
