dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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