in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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