Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize