plz talk dirty to me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
