Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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