OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
