Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
