My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
