My Higher Power is John Stamos
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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