god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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