You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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