Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
