Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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