the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
