I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm passing your future prison.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
