Don't you send me to vm
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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