Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it because I queefed?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
