you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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