i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
