saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
