I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
