The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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