Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
