A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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