Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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