Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
