I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so explain again why im purple
no
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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