I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
