Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
