Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
