I accidentally burped into my bong.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
