so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
