I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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