i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
