1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
