My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
