Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
