i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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