His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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