john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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