just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
soo... how was my night?
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