Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
