and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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