You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
two words: eviction party
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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